The Abusive Spouse And What You Can Do To Get Help

Abusive Spouse

The Abusive Spouse And What You Can Do To Get Help

Ever feel that you are in a toxic relationship and its always your fault?

Getting hurled and lashed with discriminating words on a daily basis?

Continue reading as you may be living with a spouse who is abusive.


Types of abuse.

While most of us link abuse to being only physical, there are many forms of other abuse out there.

The illustration below shows the various types of abuse.

Types Of Abusive Spouse

Types Of Abuse Illustration


1.Physical Abuse


Physical contact like grabbing you, kicking, punching or choking. Victims may experience unnecessary and excessive force used on them.




There are extreme cases where household objects are flung to the victim’s body.




Personal belongings such as mobile phone or laptops are not spared too. The aggressors will break things and make them unusable.




Often kids and pets fall victims too as the aggressor will do anything to punish or isolate you.




2.Emotional Abuse


Victims may find themselves insulted, degraded, humiliated in private or public places.




Accusations of infidelity and cheating are examples of an over-possessive partner. Threats made to the victims often include separating, divorce or ending the relationship.




Invasion of privacy, spying and being controlling are other types of emotional abuse.




Victims may find themselves always “in the wrong” regardless of what they say or do.




3.Spiritual Abuse


Restricting or forcing you to do something against your will. Manipulation and distorting of scriptures and quoting out of context.




Using Punishment by God as a threat if you don’t obey their instructions or desires.




Refuse to allow you to attend religious services, getting a job or even having friends.




Interpreting religious scriptures to their advantage and distorting the true meaning.




Not respecting your beliefs in the higher power or debunking it as myth or nonsensical.




Victims who seek solace by prayer through God often find themselves isolated.




4.Verbal Abuse


Name- calling, cursing, intimidating and mocking are some examples of verbal abuse.




Victims will find themselves hurled with abusive language or derogatory remarks often.




Aggressors often shout or scream while trying to get their message across




5.Sexual Abuse


Being forced or pressuring you for sex. Unwanted touching or showing signs of sexual acts.




Demanding or forcing you to have unprotected sex.




Penetration by forced in areas where the victims disagree or did not consent.




Watching pornographic material in your presence and forcing you to be part of it.




Forcing you to perform any sexual acts against your will.




6.Mental Abuse


Mentally Abusive aggressors are very skilled at manipulating and lying.




They will accuse you of doing immoral acts without evidence. Claiming that you are cheating on them. Infidelity, Adultery or Betrayal.




Denying the accusations at a later time and insist that you have mental issues.




Distorting the truth and making you believe that you have mental problems and need help.




The constant threat of leaving and abandoning the relationship. Victims will tend to be submissive with the hope to prevent the disaster.




7.Economic Abuse


Forcing you to leave your job or not allowing you to seek employment.




Withholding funds from you and not giving you access to them for daily usage.




Accounting for every cent or dollars you spend.




Preventing you to have access to transportation like a car. Ensuring that you do not have money for any mode of transportation.




Not allowing you to have your name on any assets or bank accounts.




Having a “secret account” that you have no knowledge of and denying that he/she still have funds.




Not paying bills causing disruption to daily life needs.






The Vicious Cycle Of The Abusive Spouse





This is the vicious phase that the abuse will happen. You may experience Beating, Shouting, Intimidation, Harassment and Forced Sexual Acts.




You are fearful and unsure of how to react. Accompanied by anger and hopelessness.




You may find yourself crying all the time.




The Abusive Spouse may or may not be aware of his/her actions.






Your abuser may feel guilty and tries to pacify the situation.




He/She apologize, promises and convince you that it will not happen again.




He/She may buy gifts or treat you to a lavish dinner date.




You might have makeup sex together.




It may seem that peace is around the corner. Your abuser may be very cautious and treat you extra nice. Showering you with gifts and romancing you.




Taking you out on dates and reminiscing about the “Good Ole Days” where love was blossoming.




He/She is being extra help with the chores and the kids.




The promises seem intact. You can’t help but feel reassured and be positive such a nasty incident will not take place again.






In this phase, you feel like you are walking on eggshells. Feels like being behind enemy lines.




You are unsure of every speech, movement, and reaction around the abusive spouse.




Being very fearful that you might commit any mistake, you try your best to please him/her.




Tension builds up rather quick and escalates into an overwhelming rage by the abuser.




Abuse may begin here.





Abusive Spouse And What To Do Abusive Spouse And What To Do ©


What To Do If You Think That You May Be Suffering or A Victim Of An Abusive Spouse.


Tell Someone You Trust About The Abusive Spouse.

While it is not easy to tell someone that you are a victim of abuse.
It is always beneficial to get assurance and comfort from family members or friends.
While they can’t provide you with a solution, it is of great importance to know that you are not alone.
You may be confused and make hasty decisions about your abusive spouse.
Having inputs from others may aid you in making a better decision for yourself.
Do not worry about them judging you either. Most of them will be willing to help you as you trust them enough to share your problem.
Go ahead and make that phone call or text NOW to reach out to them !!

Seek Shelter Elsewhere.

Go to a relative, neighbours or Social Service Shelters if you fear for your safety or your child’s safety.
It is always better to be safe and surround yourself with trusted people.
You may put others at risk too, DECIDE RATIONALLY.


Getting A Social Worker

Seek Counselling from professional. Counselling will aid and assist you in making a better decision.
You will also understand that you are not the sole cause of the whole matter. The counsellor may also address your concerns about the present. Do note that you are not alone and should not be dealing with this all by yourself.
There is a certain amount of threshold and tolerance we human can endure. At the end of the day, we got to ask our self is it worth it?
With the added assurance and guidance from the Counsellor, it helps you be more focus and decisive.

Let The Police And Authorities Know and Seek Protection If Necessary.

File for a protective order from the Family Court.
Let the police or authorities know if you are under immediate physical threat or abuse.
Do not allow yourself to be a victim again after the initial “Blow” from your spouse. Do note that your safety and well being is of top priority.
This especially applies if you are responsible for young children and adolescents.

Attending To Physical Injury Sustain.

In an event that you sustain any physical injury, seek medical attention immediately.
You may want to get the Doctor to write a memo or report for the injuries sustained.
It will be evidence and submitted to the court against your aggressor.

Create A Personal Safety Plan.

While all the above are immediate actions, there is still a need for you to plan ahead.
The plan may include transportation, accommodation, care for young children and legal appointments.
Planning ahead allows you to be in a better position and ensure that your safety is not compromised.

In Conclusion

  • There are several types of Abuse out there. You might be a victim of one or several at the same time.
  • Do not isolate yourself if you are a victim and get help immediately.
  • Creating a plan and seeking help from a counsellor will aid if your decision making process.
  • Do note that your safety and well being should come first and should not be compromised no matter what the events are.
  • Understanding the Cycle of Abuse may give you a clearer picture if you are a victim of abuse.
  • Take action TODAY and NOW it’s not too late.

Useful Contacts and Websites For Reference.





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