Unhappy Marriage ? 8 Signs That Your Marriage Is Failing.

Unhappy Marriage? 8 Signs That Your Marriage Is Failing.

unhappy marriage

1. Sex, Intimacy and Romance Is A “Thing” Of The Past.

Gone are the days of being sweet to each other. A good indicator will be your marriage is sexless. It’s like a long drought with no hope of rain.

Even though your mind at times tells you that you want to do something sweet or romantic, the action speaks otherwise.

While you know that marriages take a lot of hard work by putting in the effort on things that bond you as a couple, you just don’t feel like doing it.

There is this little voice inside your head telling you why should you not do it and that your spouse should put in the effort too.

unhappy marriage

2. You Spend A Lot Thinking About All The “What If”.

You tend to imagine or can’t help but wonder if circumstances will be different have you not married your spouse.

How easy life was going to be without all the arguments, different opinions and also demands.

” What if ” you had chosen a different path in the past. Focusing on your career, not having kids and not going “all in” for that dream home that you can’t afford.

All the money and time, what could you have done differently? It will be constantly replaying in your head.

unhappy marriage

3. Present But Not Available, You Are Together Under One Roof But Not Really  With Each Other.

Even though you and your spouse are under the same roof, you guys don’t talk, engage or communicate with each other.

You are probably busy doing your own things like watching tv and the other “glued” to the phone screen.

It is a good indicator that there is a ‘disconnection’ or lack of connection with each other.

unhappy marriage

4.  You Look For Alternative To Fill The Void In Your Unhappy Marriage.

Sexless, having no one to share your day and thoughts you will tend to look for an alternative.

Personally, I remembered clearly where I spend most of my time in the evening after work splurging and drinking my life away at some fancy nightclub just for the sake of companion.

Some people may turn to online dating sites, pornography or even making a move on that fellow co-worker you secretly have a crush while still being married.

Trust me if you have chosen any of the options above, its just a downward spiral to being “Doomed”

unhappy marriage

5. There Will Be A Time That You Will Stop Fighting.

It’s just too tiring to be arguing all day and every day. You stopped fighting with your spouse.

There is no end to the arguments and you can’t see the ‘ finishing line ‘ so why even bother trying.

You will be in a position where you just concede ‘defeat” without even trying to explain yourself or putting yourself in a ‘heated debate” called communication.

unhappy marriage

6. You Feel Unheard, Unloved And Unappreciated.

The aura in the home feels weird when you come home from work.

That deafening silence puts everyone in their own little world. You start to think to yourself why do you even bother working so hard to earn for the family.

For those who are homemakers, you can’t help but wonder all the efforts you put in maintaining the house and putting everything in order goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

It’s just another day and the same old boring routine. ‘Existing without existing ‘, I am not sure if that makes any sense to you.

unhappy marriage

7.  You Are Not Each Other’s Priority Anymore.

Poker and Football nights with buddies are more important than date nights with your spouse.

Some may choose their hobbies over spending any time with their spouse. Your hobbies can’t pick a fight with you I’m sure.

It is the safer option and less reactive or toxic.

Instead of cooking dinner for your spouse and yourself, you often find yourself eating alone or takeouts.

It is simpler and easier that way.

unhappy marriage

8. Both You And Your Partner Put Minimal to ZERO Efforts To Mend The Unhappy Marriage.

You both know that there is something wrong in the marriage. It’s downright obvious, but you just don’t see why you should try to fix your marriage.

It’s just too troublesome, painful, tiring and of course not worth it. So you just let it be ‘floating’ waiting for “disaster” to strike.

Even if you guys tried seeking outside help from a marriage therapist none of you will “open up” fully.

You are stuck thinking no matter what you say or do the results will not make the unhappy marriage better.

unhappy marriage

My Personal Note For You For Your Unhappy Marriage.


When To Bail From Your Unhappy Marriage?

So when to bail from your marriage you ask me? To be honest I can’t tell you that. It will be unfair to your marriage especially if you have children and other lives involves. Only you have the answer to that question.

I have been married twice. My first marriage didn’t work out as I simply didn’t have the knowledge, effort or courage to go about doing things I should do.

While its a constant blaming game in my head I got caught up by some of the pointers as listed above.

But if you are reading this, the good news is there is still HOPE to salvage your unhappy marriage, there will always be HOPE !! You are alive and not DEAD yet, use your time and effort wisely.


START NOW !! START TODAY !!

No matter how ugly things are now, always remember there was a time when your spouse was your pillar of strength and to some of us the ONLY pillar of Strength.

You just got lost in this thing called “LIFE”. Is it the end? OF COURSE NOT. Do you want to save it? Is it worth it? Ask yourself just these two questions, again and again, you will soon get the answers to it.

IT IS OKAY IF IT LOOK WEIRD OR FEELS STRANGE AT THE BEGINNING, just sent out that text to your spouse saying that you are thinking of them.

You may get a response and you may get a negative response but so be it. What are your actual loses?

Cooked that favorite dish or buy those little treats that your spouse used to love.

There is no effort too small. Just keep trying and trying the results will come.

 

GO SLOW BUT DONT STOP MOVING FORWARD.

The journey ahead is tedious and a lot of hard work is needed.

Till Death do us part, what does this statement really mean to you ? Give yourself some time to reflect and ponder over this again and again.

I wish you all the best regardless of whatever decisions or steps you will undertake. ūüôā



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Agoraphobic – 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

Agoraphobic – 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

Do we want to be Agoraphobic in the first place?

While agoraphobia is not a choice, there are many misconceptions out there surrounding this disorder. Personally, I find it tough to explain myself to family members and friends.

So here are 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia.

They are all Pinterest Repin Friendly so be sure to pin them if you find them especially relatable to you.

” I only feel safe at home “

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

 

 

” It’s a disorder, not a decision “

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

 

 

The weather is great today, but I still can’t go outside.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia



What is easy and a routine for you is a major war for me.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


It’s not as easy as just going outside

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


My world is as big as my room.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


I want to go outside, but my brain kept on discouraging me.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


Today is a good day I went outside.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

 

 The only thing standing between me and total happiness is my front door.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

 

I can’t just pop a pill and go outside. It doesn’t work that way.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


Damn, that was so close I almost had to socialize.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


I win my race by stepping outside my house and try to last as long as possible.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


I’m fighting my hardest battle in my head. There us no seize fire or surrender.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


I am mentally exhausted trying to gather the courage and strength to go outside.

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia


People keep telling me its all in my head, honestly, do you think I want to be this way?

Agoraphobic - 15 Sayings About Person Struggling With Agoraphobia

If you would like to contribute more sayings of your own do drop me an email at rys@mragoraphobic.com. I will be sure to include them in for the upcoming articles

Let’s help to break this stigma and spread awareness.

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Unconditional Love For Your Partner

Unconditional Love

 

To me, true love is always wanting what’s best for my spouse even if that does not include me.

Do you love your spouse wholeheartedly or do you set certain conditions?

Must she give in to what you want before you give her what she wants and needs?

While there are many ways to interpret love even for children. Check out Love Language For Your Child.

Know that all of them will lead to the same path which is our spouse/partner/friend/family at the end of that path.

 

Is there really a difference between conditional love and unconditional love? 

 

The answer is, YES

 

What is conditional love?

Conditional love is selfish and ego-centered. It will only last so long as certain unspoken rules and conditions are met.

 

Example Of Conditional Love.

” I will only love you if you do as I say. “

” I am willing to love you if you can make me feel good about myself. “

” If only you are successful and rich, I would have loved you “

 

What is Unconditional Love?

Unconditional love is the ability to give love without expecting anything in return.

 

Example Of Unconditional Love.

” I love you no matter what your past is “

” I love you no matter what you have or don’t have “

” It doesn’t matter if you are different, I love you for being just you “

 

ditional Love For Your Partner

 

 

20 SIGNS TO KNOW IF YOUR PARTNER LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY

 

  1. When you admit your failures, your partner doesn’t shame, judge or belittle you.
  2. Every single time when you feel insecure and vulnerable, your partner will respond with kindness and encouragement.
  3. There is only truth when you communicate. Even if the subject gets distressing and uncomfortable.
  4. Actively pursuing restoration and rebuilding trust every time you wrong each other.
  5. Forgiving each other freely always without holding on to any grudge.
  6. Even when arguing, you respect each other and aim for a healthy resolution without having any form of discrimination or personal attacks.
  7. There is no need for you to prove your love for your partner. He/She knows it very well.
  8. Your partner puts your needs ahead of his without having the expectation of getting back anything in return.
  9. You constantly inspire each other to show selflessness in the relationship.
  10. There is no need for you to “walk on thin ice” when you are around your partner. Putting your guard down does not change anything.
  11. Always encouraging and inspiring you to be the best version of yourself.
  12. Even on bad days, you trust and believe firmly that your partner loves and accepts you for who you are.
  13. Both of you find satisfaction in expressing love without having any conditions attached to it.
  14. The relationship “health” is an important subject and will never be ignored.
  15. During compromises, you still value each other’s boundaries and values.
  16. Patience is extended without expectation in return when your partner knows you are going through a hard time.
  17. You are proud of each other and will always speak kindly of each other when with other people.
  18. Having the ability to be yourself when you’re together without any fear, doubt or uncertainty.
  19. Knowing that your partner gives full support before you undertake any tough decisions regardless of the end results.
  20. Good Or Bad you guys are always in this together no matter what happens.

 

 

Read More Here: Bipolar Disorder, The Unheard and Misunderstood Spouse.

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Unconditional Love For Your Partner 2
Unconditional Love For Your Partner 2
Unconditional Love For Your Partner 2
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
Unconditional Love For Your Partner
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Retroactive Jealousy And How It Can Ruin Relationship.

What is Retroactive Jealousy

Retroactive Jealousy

Ever find yourself feeling jealous, angry and upset about people your partner’s past?

You may be a victim of retroactive jealousy.

WHAT IS RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY?

Retroactive jealousy is a condition in which people find themselves feeling jealous, angry and upset about people their partner once dated or had sex with in the past.

It could be from past relationships, marriage and even encounters.

While the intensity is real, in actual fact it’s all happening in their mind.

Their partner loves them very much to stick around with them to the end.

That is Retroactive Jealousy Truth.

RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY HUSBAND

I am that kind of husband to my wife. I always find myself feeling¬†jealous, angry and upset about my wife’s past relationship.

Its a vicious cycle brewing in the head. I can’t help but wonder what she did in the past with her ex-boyfriends or partners.

Did they have sex? How often did they do it? Did she “performed” better when she was with him?

Was he more romantic than me? Did he treat her better than me? I am sure he is better looking and more attractive than me.

It can go on and on throughout the day, weeks and months.

IS IT ALL REAL OR IS IT JUST ME?

The ‚ÄúTHREAT‚ÄĚ posed by these ex-partners are usually non-existent and are NOT REAL.

Everyone has already moved on with their life and some even got married to other people.

The retroactive jealousy sufferer often becomes obsessed with them even though in real life nothing of such is happening.

While some ponder on a particular sexual experience or a certain individual.

They are many retroactive jealousy sufferers who got themselves entangled in a vicious web of irrational thoughts and feelings.

EFFECTS OF RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY IN RELATIONSHIPS

Overwhelm by his/her mind, retroactive jealousy sufferers are faced with the feeling of anger, fear, anxiety and paranoia.

It can you make you do bizarre things like “Auditing” your partner’s mobile phone.

Checking their social media pages for traces of “cheating”.

And in extreme cases spending hours and hours “interrogating” their partner and forcing them to talk about their past.

CAN IT BE CURE YOU ASK?

Retroactive jealousy is tough to cure simply to the facts that the retroactive jealousy sufferers are haunted by the past rather than the present.

In my case, I know that these obsessive irrationals thoughts over the past events are not REAL. But I simply cannot help it – which makes it so difficult to eliminate from my mind.

To break the vicious cycle,¬†retroactive jealousy sufferers should just simply stop thinking about it. You can’t deal with it by thinking about it more as it will only make you more insane.

If you suffer from retroactive jealousy what’s needed is a rewiring of the way you think about yourself. How you feel and be more mindful of your present. As simple as it sounds, as a retroactive jealousy sufferer myself I know its tough.

In most cases, it’s not the event from the past that haunts us, it’s actually how we react and interpret the event in the present.

And this interpretation is usually born out of a place of fear.

TALK TO SOMEBODY YOU TRUST OR GET PROFESSIONAL HELP

You need to work on your self-confidence. Assurance from a trusted friend or family member usually suffice.

But if you ever find yourself needing additional help, reach out to your doctor and get referrals to see a psychologist.

Psychologists role is to rehabilitate people’s life. So that they could lead a pleasant, healthy and more meaningful life.

The Psychologists will apply scientifically validated procedures to help people develop healthier, more effective habits or thinking process.

Psychotherapy has many advantages. If you want to read more about it CLICK HERE. 

If you know someone who will benefit from reading this. Do share it with them. As a victim myself, sometimes the obvious things are not that obvious and we need help even though we think we can go through it alone.

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Breathing Techniques To Cope With Anxiety and Being Mindful

Mindfulness Breathing Techniques To Cope With Anxiety and Being Mindful.

 

 

What Is Happening To Me?

 

Feeling Anxious? Losing Control? Fight Anxiety and try this few breathing techniques to cope and take control of your mind and body back again.

All of us have that moment where we feel that we are losing control of our body.

You might be experiencing an episode of Panic Attack.

 

“Equipment” Needed To Perform The Breathing Techniques.

Lucky you though, as long as you have a pair of lungs, a place to sit down, some air and 10 mins, you are good to go.

In no time you will be feeling calm again.

 

 

Breathing Techniques Equipment Mindfulness

Breathing Techniques Equipment Mindfulness

 

 

 

Let’s Get Down To Business To Tackle That Nasty Anxiety.

 

 

10 Steps To Follow To Be Less Anxious For Anxiety

10 Steps To Follow To Be Less Anxious For Anxiety

 

 

 

Here Are 10 Steps For You To Follow.

 

  1. BREATHE

  2. Take a deep BREATHE.

  3. Inhale in through your nose and Exhale out through your mouth.

  4. BREATHE in for a count of 4 secs, HOLD for a count of 4 secs and EXHALE for a count of 4 secs. Repeat this throughout the day.

  5. When you feel unsure of your surroundings and become unaware, BREATHE. Relax your body.

  6. If the noises surrounding you gets too loud and overwhelming, take a deep BREATHE. Close your eyes.

  7. Before you say or react to anything which upsets you, start it with taking a huge BREATHE. Be Mindful.

  8. BREATHE before saying YES.

  9. BREATHE before saying NO.

  10. Keep on BREATHING.

     

 

IN CONCLUSION.

  • There are many ways to cope with anxiety. While the above is just one of the techniques, do not stop discovering new and tested methods.
  • Breathing Techniques are easy to perform and do not require any types of equipment.
  • Following the 10 STEPS above and practicing it throughout the day will make your anxiety more manageable.
  • While there is no way to prevent a Panic Attack or Anxiety Attack from occurring, it is possible to manage it.

 

 

 

READ HERE TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT BREATHING AND ANXIETY.

 

 

 

 

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The Abusive Spouse And What You Can Do To Get Help

The Abusive Spouse And What You Can Do To Get Help

Ever feel that you are in a toxic relationship and its always your fault?

Getting hurled and lashed with discriminating words on a daily basis?

Continue reading as you may be living with a spouse who is abusive.

 

Types of abuse.

While most of us link abuse to being only physical, there are many forms of other abuse out there.

The illustration below shows the various types of abuse.

Types Of Abusive Spouse

Types Of Abuse Illustration

 

1.Physical Abuse

 

Physical contact like grabbing you, kicking, punching or choking. Victims may experience unnecessary and excessive force used on them.

 

 

 

There are extreme cases where household objects are flung to the victim’s body.

 

 

 

Personal belongings such as mobile phone or laptops are not spared too. The aggressors will break things and make them unusable.

 

 

 

Often kids and pets fall victims too as the aggressor will do anything to punish or isolate you.

 

 

 

2.Emotional Abuse

 

Victims may find themselves insulted, degraded, humiliated in private or public places.

 

 

 

Accusations of infidelity and cheating are examples of an over-possessive partner. Threats made to the victims often include separating, divorce or ending the relationship.

 

 

 

Invasion of privacy, spying and being controlling are other types of emotional abuse.

 

 

 

Victims may find themselves always “in the wrong” regardless of what they say or do.

 

 

 

3.Spiritual Abuse

 

Restricting or forcing you to do something against your will. Manipulation and distorting of scriptures and quoting out of context.

 

 

 

Using Punishment by God as a threat if you don’t obey their instructions or desires.

 

 

 

Refuse to allow you to attend religious services, getting a job or even having friends.

 

 

 

Interpreting religious scriptures to their advantage and distorting the true meaning.

 

 

 

Not respecting your beliefs in the higher power or debunking it as myth or nonsensical.

 

 

 

Victims who seek solace by prayer through God often find themselves isolated.

 

 

 

4.Verbal Abuse

 

Name- calling, cursing, intimidating and mocking are some examples of verbal abuse.

 

 

 

Victims will find themselves hurled with abusive language or derogatory remarks often.

 

 

 

Aggressors often shout or scream while trying to get their message across

 

 

 

5.Sexual Abuse

 

Being forced or pressuring you for sex. Unwanted touching or showing signs of sexual acts.

 

 

 

Demanding or forcing you to have unprotected sex.

 

 

 

Penetration by forced in areas where the victims disagree or did not consent.

 

 

 

Watching pornographic material in your presence and forcing you to be part of it.

 

 

 

Forcing you to perform any sexual acts against your will.

 

 
 

 

6.Mental Abuse

 

Mentally Abusive aggressors are very skilled at manipulating and lying.

 

 

 

They will accuse you of doing immoral acts without evidence. Claiming that you are cheating on them. Infidelity, Adultery or Betrayal.

 

 

 

Denying the accusations at a later time and insist that you have mental issues.

 

 

 

Distorting the truth and making you believe that you have mental problems and need help.

 

 

 

The constant threat of leaving and abandoning the relationship. Victims will tend to be submissive with the hope to prevent the disaster.

 

 
 

 

7.Economic Abuse

 

Forcing you to leave your job or not allowing you to seek employment.

 

 

 

Withholding funds from you and not giving you access to them for daily usage.

 

 

 

Accounting for every cent or dollars you spend.

 

 

 

Preventing you to have access to transportation like a car. Ensuring that you do not have money for any mode of transportation.

 

 

 

Not allowing you to have your name on any assets or bank accounts.

 

 

 

Having a “secret account” that you have no knowledge of and denying that he/she still have funds.

 

 

 

Not paying bills causing disruption to daily life needs.

 

 

 

 

 

The Vicious Cycle Of The Abusive Spouse

 

 

Incident

 

This is the vicious phase that the abuse will happen. You may experience Beating, Shouting, Intimidation, Harassment and Forced Sexual Acts.

 

 

 

You are fearful and unsure of how to react. Accompanied by anger and hopelessness.

 

 

 

You may find yourself crying all the time.

 

 

 

The Abusive Spouse may or may not be aware of his/her actions.

 

 

 

Makeup

 

Your abuser may feel guilty and tries to pacify the situation.

 

 

 

He/She apologize, promises and convince you that it will not happen again.

 

 

 

He/She may buy gifts or treat you to a lavish dinner date.

 

 

 

You might have makeup sex together.

 

Honeymoon

 

It may seem that peace is around the corner. Your abuser may be very cautious and treat you extra nice. Showering you with gifts and romancing you.

 

 

 

Taking you out on dates and reminiscing about the “Good Ole Days” where love was blossoming.

 

 

 

He/She is being extra help with the chores and the kids.

 

 

 

The promises seem intact. You can’t help but feel reassured and be positive such a nasty incident will not take place again.

 

 

 

Tension

 

In this phase, you feel like you are walking on eggshells. Feels like being behind enemy lines.

 

 

 

You are unsure of every speech, movement, and reaction around the abusive spouse.

 

 

 

Being very fearful that you might commit any mistake, you try your best to please him/her.

 

 

 

Tension builds up rather quick and escalates into an overwhelming rage by the abuser.

 

 

 

Abuse may begin here.

 

 

 

 

Abusive Spouse And What To Do Abusive Spouse And What To Do ©mragoraphobic.com

 

What To Do If You Think That You May Be Suffering or A Victim Of An Abusive Spouse.

 

Tell Someone You Trust About The Abusive Spouse.

While it is not easy to tell someone that you are a victim of abuse.
 
It is always beneficial to get assurance and comfort from family members or friends.
 
While they can’t provide you with a solution, it is of great importance to know that you are not alone.
 
You may be confused and make hasty decisions about your abusive spouse.
 
Having inputs from others may aid you in making a better decision for yourself.
 
Do not worry about them judging you either. Most of them will be willing to help you as you trust them enough to share your problem.
 
Go ahead and make that phone call or text NOW to reach out to them !!
 
 

Seek Shelter Elsewhere.

Go to a relative, neighbours or Social Service Shelters if you fear for your safety or your child’s safety.
 
It is always better to be safe and surround yourself with trusted people.
 
DO NOT STAY PUT AND TRY TO SOLVE THE MATTER.
 
You may put others at risk too, DECIDE RATIONALLY.

 

Getting A Social Worker

Seek Counselling from professional. Counselling will aid and assist you in making a better decision.
 
You will also understand that you are not the sole cause of the whole matter. The counsellor may also address your concerns about the present. Do note that you are not alone and should not be dealing with this all by yourself.
 
There is a certain amount of threshold and tolerance we human can endure. At the end of the day, we got to ask our self is it worth it?
 
With the added assurance and guidance from the Counsellor, it helps you be more focus and decisive.
 

Let The Police And Authorities Know and Seek Protection If Necessary.

File for a protective order from the Family Court.
 
Let the police or authorities know if you are under immediate physical threat or abuse.
 
Do not allow yourself to be a victim again after the initial “Blow” from your spouse. Do note that your safety and well being is of top priority.
 
This especially applies if you are responsible for young children and adolescents.
 
 

Attending To Physical Injury Sustain.

In an event that you sustain any physical injury, seek medical attention immediately.
 
You may want to get the Doctor to write a memo or report for the injuries sustained.
 
It will be evidence and submitted to the court against your aggressor.
 
 

Create A Personal Safety Plan.

While all the above are immediate actions, there is still a need for you to plan ahead.
 
The plan may include transportation, accommodation, care for young children and legal appointments.
 
Planning ahead allows you to be in a better position and ensure that your safety is not compromised.
 
 
 
 

In Conclusion

  • There are several types of Abuse out there. You might be a victim of one or several at the same time.
  • Do not isolate yourself if you are a victim and get help immediately.
  • Creating a plan and seeking help from a counsellor will aid if your decision making process.
  • Do note that your safety and well being should come first and should not be compromised no matter what the events are.
  • Understanding the Cycle of Abuse may give you a clearer picture if you are a victim of abuse.
  • Take action TODAY and NOW it’s not too late.

Useful Contacts and Websites For Reference.

US/Canada.

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/

https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/get-help

https://www.dosomething.org/us/about/hotline-list

 

UK.

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/

https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/phone-the-helpline/

https://www.gov.uk/report-domestic-abuse

Singapore.

http://sacc.aware.org.sg/

https://www.msf.gov.sg/policies/Strong-and-Stable-Families/Supporting-Families/Family-Violence/Pages/default.aspx

https://www.breakthesilence.sg/Pages/Home.aspx

http://www.helpanna.com/resources/

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Bipolar Disorder, The Unheard and Misunderstood Spouse.

Bipolar Disorder, The Unheard and Misunderstood Spouse.

 
Many of us at one point may have encountered this or heard about Bipolar Disorder. Why is this person so painful to be living with. Why is this person so toxic? And we will always be wondering what the hell is happening.
 
If you are like me, your spouse might be suffering from Bipolar Disorder.
 

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar Disorder is a mental condition. Alternating between joy and depression. It is also known as manic-depressive illness.

4 Types of Bipolar Disorders.

  1. Bipolar I Disorder – Some cases of manic symptoms and episodes are so serious. One will need to get urgent medical help from the hospital. The episodes last up to 2 weeks.
  2. Bipolar II Disorder РPatients suffers from a pattern of depressive episodes. Patient has hypo-manic episodes too during this period.
  3. Cyclothymic Disorder –¬†defined by numerous periods of hypomanic symptoms as well as numerous periods of depressive symptoms lasting for at least 2 years (1 year in children and adolescents). However, the symptoms do not meet the diagnostic requirements for a hypomanic episode and a depressive episode.
  4. Other Specified and Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorders¬†–¬†defined by bipolar disorder symptoms that do not match the three categories listed above.
 
Bipolar Disorder

Common Signs and Symptoms Of Bipolar Disorder

Signs and Symptoms To Note If Your Spouse or Family Members May Be Suffering From Bipolar Disorder.

Manic Episodes.
 
  • Feeling ‚Äúecstatic‚ÄĚ and optimistic¬†OR¬†very irritable
  • Unrealistic, ambitious beliefs about one‚Äôs abilities or powers
  • Sleeping very little, but feeling full of energy
  • Talking fast that others can‚Äôt keep up
  • Racing thoughts; alternating from one idea to the next
  • Often distracted, unable to concentrate
  • Impaired judgment and very impulsive
  • Acting and reacting to anything without thinking about the consequences
  • Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)
 

Depressive Episodes.

  • Feel very sad, demoralize, empty, or hopeless
  • Have very little energy
  • Have decreased activity levels
  • Trouble sleeping, they may sleep too little or too much
  • Feel like they can‚Äôt enjoy anything even their favorite hobby
  • Feel worried and empty
  • Have trouble focusing
  • Forgetful over lots of things
  • Poor appetite or sudden increase in appetite
  • Feel tired or lethargic
  • Constant suicidal thoughts
 

Treatment For Someone Who May Be Suffering From Bipolar Disorder.

If you observe the symptoms of bipolar disorder in yourself or someone else, don’t wait to get help.
 
Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away; in fact, it will definitely worsen it.
 
Living with an untreated bipolar disorder condition can lead to problems in everything. From your career to your relationships and your health.
 
But bipolar disorder is treatable. Getting diagnosed and starting treatment early prevent complications.
 
Some people like the energy and euphoria when they are manic. Always bear in mind that mania and hypo-mania often turn destructive. In most cases, our loved ones will be “paying the price”.
 
DO NOT be reluctant to seek treatment.
 
 

Treatment Basics Of Bipolar Disorder.

Bipolar disorder requires long-term treatment and commitment.
 
It is of utmost importance to continue seeking treatment.
 
Some patients feel that they do not need treatment when they feel better. Bipolar is a chronic relapsing sickness. Most people with bipolar disorder need medication. This is to deter new episodes and stay symptom-free.
 
 
There is more to treatment than medication alone. 
 
Medication alone is insufficient to manage the symptoms of bipolar disorder.
 
A combination of medication, Psychotherapy, a strong social support network.
 
With lifestyle changes, it is a more effective strategy to combat bipolar disorder.
 
 
It’s recommended to work with an experienced psychiatrist.
 
Bipolar disorder is a complicated condition. Diagnosis can be tricky and treatment is often challenging. As a preventive measure, accurate medication should be administered.
 
A skilled psychiatrist can assist you in navigating the in and out of bipolar disorder.
 
 

How You Can Help Yourself If You Suffer From Bipolar Disorder.

Continual Learning. 

Learn as much as you can about bipolar disorder. The more you know, the better you‚Äôll be at assisting your own recovery. And don’t just stop at Bipolar Disorder, there are other mental health-related¬†issues too. READ HERE.
 
 

Get Sweaty. 

Exercise has many beneficial benefits. It affects mood and may reduce the number of bipolar episodes you experience.
With Zumba, Brisk Walking, Dancing to your favorite playlist on Spotify and swimming. The list of activity is endless and there is no good reason why you should not be on your feet.
 
Exercises that engage arm and leg movements are often beneficial for your health.
 

Keep stress in check and be Mindful of your surroundings.

Avoid high-stress situations and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Download apps on your phone and try guided relaxation and deep breathing techniques.

 

Seek support from friends and family members.

It’s important to have people you can turn to for support and motivation. Join support group through Facebook if you choose to remain anonymous. Get support there without having the fear of people judging you.
 
I am sure there is that one friend you know that you can reach out to. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness. It won’t mean you’re a bother to others too.
 
In most cases, a patient’s isolation comes from the failure to reach out. They don’t teach us in-depth Mental-Health related topics in school. Don’t be disheartened if no one understands you in the beginning while reaching out.
 
Friends often feel delighted that you trust them enough to disclose your disorder.
 
It also strengthens your relationship and bond with them.
 
 

Make healthy choices. 

Get to bed early and eat a balanced meal. It will help you with your moods.
 
 

Lookout for Triggers.

Observe and watch out for signs of fluctuating mood swings. By doing so you stand a better chance of preventing the problem before it starts.
 
 
 
Bipolar Causes and Triggers

Bipolar Causes and Triggers

Causes and Triggers.

Bipolar disorder has no single isolated cause. Some inherit it through genes. Not everyone will be exposed to the vulnerability of the disorder developing though.
 
Surroundings and psychological factors are also believed to play a part. This may result in escalating the development of bipolar disorder.
 
These external factors are better known as triggers. Triggers can set off new episodes of mania or depression or make existing symptoms worse.
 
Do note also that many bipolar disorder episodes occur without an obvious trigger.
 

Stress¬†‚Äď Stressful life events can trigger bipolar disorder in someone with a genetic vulnerability. These events tend to involve drastic or sudden changes‚ÄĒeither good or bad‚ÄĒsuch as getting married, going away to college, losing a loved one, getting fired, or moving.

Substance Abuse¬†‚Äď While¬†substance abuse¬†doesn‚Äôt cause bipolar disorder, it can bring on an episode and worsen the course of the disease. Drugs such as cocaine, ecstasy, and amphetamines can trigger mania, while alcohol and tranquilizers can trigger depression.

Medication¬†‚Äď Certain medications, most notably¬†antidepressant drugs, can trigger mania. Other drugs that can cause mania include over-the-counter cold medicine, appetite suppressants, caffeine, corticosteroids, and thyroid medication.

Seasonal Changes¬†‚Äď Episodes of mania and depression often follow a seasonal pattern. Manic episodes are more common during the summer, and depressive episodes more common during the fall, winter, and spring.

Sleep Deprivation¬†‚Äď Loss of sleep‚ÄĒeven as little as skipping a few hours of rest‚ÄĒcan trigger an episode of mania.

 

Bipolar Disorder Tips for Caregivers

Bipolar Disorder Tips for Caregivers.

 

 

Tips For Being A Caregiver.

 

#1 Knowing What You Are Up Against.

You need to know what you’re up against. A good place to start will be the internet like this blog. Like many caregivers out there, most of us never encounter or heard of Bipolar Disorder.
 
We need to educate ourselves to be able to empathize and understand Bipolar Disorder.
 
With tons of resources available, caregivers are no longer alone.
 
 

#2 Acknowledging and Accepting The Disorder.

Acknowledge and accept your unhappiness, resentment, anguish, or guilt.
 
Accept that your spouse or partner’s bipolar will definitely affect your life.
 
Make new plans for the future and adjust to cater for the changes.
 
 
 

#3 Self Care As A Caregiver.

While being there for your loved ones is important, do not forget that you’re human too and need a break.
 
Step away for a little while, read a book. Enjoy that slow walk in the grocery store alone. Be with yourself, BREATHE and recharge.
 
Do not feel bad about needing a break EVER! Being a caregiver is not only a full-time job, it’s a lifelong journey.
 
Phone a trusted mutual friend or family members to reach out to them. Most of the time they are more than willing to help in your absence.

 

#4 Evaluating Your Stress And Challenges

Being organize is helpful. I remember a time that it was too stressful for me that I have to list down the things that are bothering me.
 
Set realistic goals and expectations. Choose “your battles” and know that not all will emerge victoriously.
 
It’s a vicious cycle. There will be “Casualties” in the plight of being a caregiver.
 
Reach out to local support groups. Even if you stay far away from others there are many Facebook Groups to joined. Through this groups, you will soon realize that you are not alone.
 
Like you, they are facing either similar or are in the worst situation.
 
 

#5 Making Time For Each Other Away From Bipolar.

 While going through the uncertainty of the disorder in your household, do not forget to make time.
 
Yes. There is no escaping from it but life must go on.
 
It is important to develop a healthy relationship between you and your partner. Find things which you enjoyed together and relive that experience.
 
Play dress up and go to that new steakhouse. Go to the lake and enjoy the quiet fishing time.
 
Only you will know what you are missing out.
 
We are often so hype about wanting to “do the best” for our partner. We tend to forget, before having Bipolar, that person is someone we share our life with daily.
 
Beneath that Bipolar Disorder is someone we fell in love with or a family member. That fact will not change and we have to always remind ourselves.
 
 

#6 Healthy Boundaries and “Superhero” Mode.

 
While you are not a “Superhero”, be sure to know that there will be a time that you will feel helpless and hopeless.
 
Know that you cant “rescue” every situation or challenges that are thrown at you by your partner.
 
Not reacting is a form of reaction. Yup, you read it right. Do not react while your partner goes “guns blazing” in the house.
 
Learn to walk away and not to further escalate the matter.
 
During the period of stability, keep reassuring your partner that you love them. Let them know that you will have to walk away for a while if the situation gets too overwhelming for you.

 

#7 Knowing That Its Not Personal, Its Bipolar.

 
It’s nothing personal !!
 
There are two phases of Bipolar disorder. ‚Äď Mania and Depression. Both phases come with negative side effects of their own.
 
Often your loved one’s mood and personality can alter during these phases.
 
Some of them will be rude and hurl harsh words at you. This can be hurtful and affect your own personal moods.
 
There will also be a time where impulsiveness takes over. It will leave you wondering what is happening.
 
Try not to take anything personally if that happens.
 
Know that they have no control over what is happening at that time
.
 

#8 Talking To A Healthcare Professional About Your Struggles As A Caregiver.

 
Doctors prescribe medications for your loved ones. Often they know the symptoms and struggles of the patient and their family members.
 
On a”bad week”, do not be afraid to reach out to them and know that they will be with you every step of the way.
 
In their professional line of work, they deal with various patients and families. It is not new for caregivers or family members feeling “burned out”.
 
With counseling and a short-term care plan, you will soon be able to breathe easy again.
 
Caring for a loved one with the Bipolar disorder can be a challenge, but it can still be rewarding for both parties.
 
 
 

In Conclusion

  • Understanding What Bipolar Disorder is.
  • 4 types of Bipolar Disorder.
  • Signs and Symptoms to note if your Spouse or Family members may be suffering from Bipolar Disorder.
  • Treatment for Bipolar Disorder.
  • How you can help yourself if you suffer from Bipolar Disorder
  • Understanding the causes and triggers.
  • 8 Tips for caregivers.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Living With Agoraphobia , Anxiety and Panic Attacks and How I Cope With It.

Living With Agoraphobia, Anxiety and Panic Attacks and how I cope with it.

What if I tell you its not the end of your life but the beginning of your own journey? Read below to find out more.

It is likely that you are facing similar issues as me and that’s the reason you click on this article.

PANIC ATTACKS

My journey started the moment I had my first attack. I had no prior knowledge of Panic Attacks. I didn’t know what was happening to me. My heart started palpitating and my vision got blurry. I began to experienced cold sweat and at that particular point of time, I thought that I was going to die.

 

Initial Reaction To Panic Attacks.

I had no control of the situation and felt everything around me caving in and blacking out. All I could do was sit down while the chaos encompassed throughout my body and mind.

 

Immediate Actions I Took After Panic Attacks.

After my heart rate ‚Äúwent back to normal‚ÄĚ. I rushed to the ER thinking that I have suffered from a heart attack.¬†

After the results from the Electrocardiogram (ECG) and Blood tests came back negative. The doctor began asking me a string of questions to narrow down what was the probable cause.

 

Welcoming The Unwelcome Guest In My Life.

The attending doctor ruled out heart attack and told me that I had an episode of Panic Attack. He advised me to come back again for a follow up check up with the heart clinic in the weeks to come. 

With no knowledge of it,¬† I immediately reached out for my phone to google “What Causes Panic Attacks”

 

SO WHAT IS PANIC ATTACKS?

A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear.

 It will trigger severe physical reactions. In reality, there is no real danger, crisis or cause. It can be very daunting.

¬†When the episode occurs, you might think you’re going berserk, having a heart attack or even dying.

 

Example Of Some of The Symptoms.

Knowing when to see a doctor 

13 signs of panic attacks

 

  1. Heart Palpitations.
  2. Difficulty In Breathing.
  3. A sense of terror, Or Impending Doom or Death.
  4. Feeling a loss of control.
  5. Chest Pain.
  6. Choking Sensation
  7. Nausea and Dizziness
  8. Trembling or Shaking.
  9. Overwhelming Anxiety.
  10. Numbness or Tingling Sensations.
  11. Tension In The Muscles.
  12. Tunnel Vision.
  13. Extreme Restlessness.

While there are many more symptoms out there, the above are a few examples to name as a guide. If you are still unsure of your condition, seek medical attention immediately. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE.

 

Common Treatments.

Psychotherapy –¬†Psychotherapy refers to a range of treatments. ¬†To name a few examples, hypnotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy. Psychotherapists help patients to overcome their emotional complications and cope with challenging situations.

Pharmacotherapy – Medical treatment by means of the use of prescribed drugs.

 

IMPORTANCE OF ACKNOWLEDGING AND SEEKING HELP.

It’s easy TO NOT acknowledge the possibilities. But you might be suffering from a mental-health related issue.¬†

 The biggest step for me was to acknowledge it and accept it. That was the first step in my journey, I still find it the hardest.  

It took so long for me to acknowledge it. With that my diagnosis now included Agoraphobia. 

 I find it hard to leave my house daily as I was unsure when the next Panic Attack will occur. And I wanted to be in the comfort of my home when it happens.

 

 Below are some examples of why one should seek help immediately.

  1. It affects the quality of one’s life.
  2. The inability to function normally on a day to day basis with frequent episodes and occurrences.
  3. Disassociative with society, avoidance with everyone and always wanting to be alone.
  4. Failure to actualize one’s full potential in life.
  5. Constant living in fear over no particular reason.
 

AGORAPHOBIA.

What is Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia

What is Agoraphobia?

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by symptoms of anxiety in situations where the person perceives the environment to be unsafe with no easy way to get away. These situations can include open spaces, public transit, shopping malls, or simply being outside their home. Being in these situations may result in a  The symptoms occur nearly every time the situation is encountered and last for more than six months. Those affected will go to great lengths to avoid these situations. In severe cases people may become completely unable to leave their homes due to the phobia.

Source : Wikipedia

HOW I COPE LIVING WITH AGORAPHOBIA, ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS.

 

I have weekly sessions with my Psychologist for Psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy is talk therapy.

 

What is Psychotherapy again?

Psychologists role is to rehabilitate people’s life. So that they could lead a pleasant, healthy and more meaningful life.

 Psychologists apply scientifically validated procedures to help people develop healthier, more effective habits.

 

Different types of approach to Psychotherapy.

There are several approaches to psychotherapy, below are some examples.

  • Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
  • Humanistic Therapy.
  • Psychoanalysis and Psychodynamic Therapy.
  • Interpersonal and other kinds of Talk Therapy,

Psychotherapy treatment is based on the relationship between an individual and a psychologist.

 

What exactly happened during Psychotherapy.

Grounded in dialogue, Psychotherapy provides a supportive environment.

Patients talk honestly with someone who’s goal remain neutral and nonjudgmental. 

Your psychologist will work with you to identify behavior habits. 

These habits or thoughts might be the issues that are keeping you from feeling your best. 

Psychotherapy allows you to learn new skills which could help you cope better.

 

How it benefited me?

These sessions last for about an hour. 

In these sessions, I’ve learned the various types of coping techniques.¬†Breathing exercises, meditation, grounding are some examples of the relaxation techniques used.

 I am also taught to set realistic, simple and achievable daily goals. Expectations Vs Reality. 

I felt more comfortable after my 9th session with my Psychologist.¬†Issues began pouring out from me and my Psychologist was there to “walk with me” in every step of the way.

 For those who have are new to Psychotherapy, it could get scary and that is fine. Trust your medical professional and ALLOW him/her to help you.  

 

 How long will Psychotherapy last?

 How long psychotherapy takes depends on several factors:

  • The type of issues or disorder.
  • Patient’s characteristics.
  • Patients’ history.
  • Patient’s objectives.
  • The present situation of patient’s life outside of psychotherapy.
  • How fast the patient is able to make progress.
Panic Attacks Medications

Different types of medications.

 

I am finally on a medication which works for me after trying so many other medications.

 

Types of medication use for treatment.

Finding the right medication will take a while. There are various forms out there in the market to treat various disorders. Here is a list of some examples of the different medical classes.

  1. BENZODIAZEPINES
  2. BETA BLOCKERS
  3. TRICYCLIC ANTIDEPRESSANTS
  4. MONOAMINE OXIDASE INHIBITORS (MAOIs)
  5. SELECTIVE SEROTONIN REUPTAKE INHIBITORS (SSRIs)
  6. SEROTONIN-NOREPINEPHRINE REUPTAKE INHIBITORS (SNRIs)

The medications I have tried in the past and presently taking. (SSRIs)

  • Fluvoxamine (Luvox)

This medication gave me a very bad headache and made me sedated. On most days, I was feeling tired and sleepy. I took it for 3 months before telling my doctor how bad the side effects were affecting me.

  • Fluoxetine (Prozac)

This medication made me sedated still. While my headache¬†was gone. I still didn’t have the energy to go about doing my normal routines like chores and sending my kids to school. So once again, I asked for a change in prescription after 3 months of consuming this medication.

  • Escitalopram Oxalate (Lexapro)

When I first took this medicine it felt like a miracle pill, my moods were better and I was feeling more alert. Yet, 2 weeks into the new medicine regime prove a heightened increase in anxiety. I felt anxious all the time. I continued taking Lexapro for 2 months before deciding to throw in the towel once again. The constant state of anxiousness was driving me insane.

  • Sertraline (Zoloft)

At present ( June 2018 ), I am taking Zoloft. After 4 months I am still quite happy with the results of having this medicine. While I still am experiencing Panic Attacks at times. It is more manageable and definitely helped in getting me through the day.

 

Giving a chance to the medicines.

Finding the right medicine might take you some time. There is no shortcut or miracle pill.

 Some medications take up to 4-6 weeks before prominent results can be observed.

My advice is this, give the medicine a chance to work and do not give up. The medicines don’t work on you immediately.

Patience and Perseverance are crucial in finding the right medicine.

My all-time favorite and natural coping method. Photography / Street Photography.

Street Photography Chinatown

To some its an expensive hobby. As for me, Photography keeps me in check.

 

 

It all started with a phone’s camera.

Technology is advancing at a phenomenal pace. 

Gone were the days where you need expensive cameras or gears to take amazing pictures.

 Photography gives me a sense of accomplishment.

 It gives me the ability to express myself.  I was able to send a message out to express myself without having to actually talk to anybody.

 It was ideal and perfect for me.

 All I have to do was take pictures, edit, post them on various social media platforms and repeat.

 

Things got serious when I invested in my first ever DSLR

I wanted to have more control over the images I took. It took me a lot of time to convince my wife that we needed a DSLR.

But she finally agreed in 2016 and we got our brand new DSLR. It’s the camera I still use till this very day in 2018.

My very own Canon 70D.

Nature Photography

My attempt at nature photography.

 

Identity Crisis

I was taking random pictures of everything. Landscape, Portraits of family and friends, Animals and even my kid’s toys.¬†

There wasn’t a particular niche or concept that was intriguing for me.

 To me, an image was an image. I wanted to be alone taking pictures or with minimal involvement from other people.

 I was in the wrong school of thought definitely.

 

Birth of my Street Photography Adventure and my recovery journey.

I was watching a Youtube video and It was about Street Photography. I was somehow attracted to the concept of taking candid pictures of random people on the streets.

While watching, I can’t help but wonder how much of a challenge it will be. For me to try out this concept, it involves going outside and be with the rest of the world.¬†Real people and Real World.

Back then it was (PUBLIC + PEOPLE = Disaster) for me. 

Now its (PUBLIC + PEOPLE = Challenge Accepted = One More day of WIN against Agoraphobia.)

Though I am nowhere near to be a professional photographer, that never stops me from pursuing what I like to do.

From my journey thus far, I can share that what other people say or think doesn’t matter.

It could get very lonely at times as unless they are having similar issues as you do, they will be able to relate. But most of them are still in denial stage. I was in denial for a long time too. Abused alcohol on a daily basis to escape the truth. But let us leave that story for another time.

Your recovery journey will look weird to the rest and that is fine. You must be comfortable and receptive to the positive changes coming your way.

 

ALL OUR JOURNEYS WILL BE DIFFERENT.

You can see some of my work here.

 

In Conclusion.

  1. Just because you are perfect now, it doesn’t mean that you can escape the clutches of Mental-Health related sickness.
  2. Its always good to know the signs of a Panic Attack. It would also be beneficial to be mindful of your surroundings and try to identify possible triggers.
  3. Do not be shy or afraid to seek medical help. It always better to be treated early.
  4. Psychotherapy is basically “Talk Therapy”, no medication is involved.
  5. Knowing the different types of medication used to treat the various disorders
  6. How Street Photography helped me cope with my condition.
 
 
 

Source: Psychotherapy

 

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