retroactive jealousy and cheating

Retroactive Jealousy Reality.In my previous article I’ve talked about a condition where people find themselves lost in vicious cycle of thoughts about their partner’s past .
I’ve also mentioned and covered in depth that is not real and just a thought process.
But what if that thought process becomes a REALITY and haunts you in the present day and moment ?
How does someone deal with that? Is there a retroactive jealousy cure ?

Unwanted Date With Retroactive Jealousy Reality

I was unfortunate enough to have “caught” my wife texting her ex boyfriend while being in the car with me. 
It took my only 3 seconds to guess who that person was even though my wife had saved his number through his name initials. 
This is not CSI or neither am i Sherlock Holmes , but if you have retroactive jealousy you will find yourself constantly visualizing or “imagining” stuff like this. 
So it’s really not that difficult to guess. It’s like the sitcom FRIENDS which aired for 10 seasons.You know who is who , how the house looks like and also the cafe scene where all sorts of funny scenes takes place.
I have that 10 seasons of my wife sexual past or relationship playing in my head all the time and worst part is i’m not even there to “watch or see what really happen”.


How Did I React After Finding Out She Contacted her Ex- Boyfriend ?

There were so many emotions running wild.So many questions to ask.
I felt betrayed as she knew I was suffering from this cursed condition. She knew exactly how tough it was for me on a daily basis.
Now they are texting each other ? WTF !?!
Anger was on top of the list but it was quickly overwhelmed with hurt from the shocking discovery.
I guess I was more hurt ,betrayed than angry ; as the person who was supposed to give you the added assurance is the perpetrator herself.

A Dark Place In My Head and a Brutally Wounded Heart

There are so many times that I wish and pray that this retroactive jealousy will just go away.But it doesn’t work that way.
After the incident , I find myself more paranoid and the thoughts got worse. I am devastated and just wanted everything to end.
I’m tired of living my life like this and it’s just too painful to be alive. 

Military Fighting Spirit Taking Over And Staging A Siege On My Mind

Yes it’s painful and yes it’s disgusting but above all ,  life is not just about being stuck in a retroactive jealousy state.
What about my three beautiful kids? They still need their daddy in their life. There are so many memories to be made and created together.
I HAVE TO “dust” myself up. I MUST gather my strength and RECOVER from this “fall” no matter what.
Already living on borrowed time , I have to live my life to the fullest for my children.
They are my pillars of STRENGTH and COURAGE to face adversities in life from here on.

“The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday - SEALS”

I have to rebuild my self esteem again and inject more positive thoughts. Yes she cheated on me but that does not mean SHIT.
She was there when I needed her the most. Everyone makes mistakes  , I did dumb shit stuff too growing up and journeying life . 
I don’t see anyone sentencing me to life without parole in  “GUILT JAIL”
No matter what there is only one direction from here. Forward , Forward and Forward. Don’t look back.

Forgive Yourself First Before Forgiving Others

Forgiving yourself first is way harder than forgiving others. You need to accept and acknowledge that you have Retroactive Jealousy Issues. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
It’s not a choice or inheritance. It’s just there and it’s okay. It doesn’t make you half of a person.
You NEED NOT be angry , sad or even disappointed with yourself when Retroactive Jealousy becomes a Reality
Take it from me. LET IT GO. 

Forgive Others As Quickly As You Want To Be Forgiven

While whatever my wife did to me was wrong. She has her own Mental Health Condition to deal with. You can read about her page here on SearchingHer.
She has her own set of struggles and obstacles that she has to deal with daily.
While that may or may not explain why she did “mistake” . Till date , I am a firm believer that my wife will not hurt me deliberately.
The positive part is , it’s just a TEXT . It’s not like they are sleeping together.
So before taking to her page and spamming her with HATE please know that i have forgiven her.

Get Professional Help and Talk To Somebody You Trust.

If you suffer from Retroactive Jealousy Reality ,don’t deal with all these alone please. Your family and friends are always there. 
You need to have a blind faith to know that they are willing to come forward to hear you and help you.
If you are still uncomfortable about approaching them , get professional help. See a doctor , Psychologist , Psychotherapist and even a Social Worker.
Help will always come to those who seek help. And most of these services are discreet and confidential.
Don’t be drag into that dark place and left alone. I wish and pray all the best for you reading this.
If you think you might be suffering from other
Mental Health related issues be sure to check my other blog posts.

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