1. Sex, Intimacy and Romance Is A "Thing" Of The Past.
Gone are the days of being sweet to each other. A good indicator will be your marriage is sexless. It’s like a long drought with no hope of rain.
Even though your mind at times tells you that you want to do something sweet or romantic, the action speaks otherwise.
While you know that marriages take a lot of hard work by putting in the effort on things that bond you as a couple, you just don’t feel like doing it.
There is this little voice inside your head telling you why should you not do it and that your spouse should put in the effort too.
2. You Spend A Lot Thinking About All The "What If".
You tend to imagine or can’t help but wonder if circumstances will be different have you not married your spouse.
How easy life was going to be without all the arguments, different opinions and also demands.
” What if ” you had chosen a different path in the past. Focusing on your career, not having kids and not going “all in” for that dream home that you can’t afford.
All the money and time, what could you have done differently? It will be constantly replaying in your head.
3. Present But Not Available, You Are Together Under One Roof But Not Really With Each Other.
Even though you and your spouse are under the same roof, you guys don’t talk, engage or communicate with each other.
You are probably busy doing your own things like watching tv and the other “glued” to the phone screen.
It is a good indicator that there is a ‘disconnection’ or lack of connection with each other.
4. You Look For Alternative To Fill The Void In Your Unhappy Marriage.
Sexless, having no one to share your day and thoughts you will tend to look for an alternative.
Personally, I remembered clearly where I spend most of my time in the evening after work splurging and drinking my life away at some fancy nightclub just for the sake of companion.
Some people may turn to online dating sites, pornography or even making a move on that fellow co-worker you secretly have a crush while still being married.
Trust me if you have chosen any of the options above, its just a downward spiral to being “Doomed”
5. There Will Be A Time That You Will Stop Fighting.
It’s just too tiring to be arguing all day and every day. You stopped fighting with your spouse.
There is no end to the arguments and you can’t see the ‘ finishing line ‘ so why even bother trying.
You will be in a position where you just concede ‘defeat” without even trying to explain yourself or putting yourself in a ‘heated debate” called communication.
6. You Feel Unheard, Unloved And Unappreciated.
The aura in the home feels weird when you come home from work.
That deafening silence puts everyone in their own little world. You start to think to yourself why do you even bother working so hard to earn for the family.
For those who are homemakers, you can’t help but wonder if all the effort you put in maintaining the house and putting everything in order goes unnoticed and unappreciated.
It’s just another day and the same old boring routine. ‘Existing without existing ‘, I am not sure if that makes any sense to you.
7. You Are Not Each Other's Priority Anymore.
Poker and Football nights with buddies are more important than date nights with your spouse.
Some may choose their hobbies over spending any time with their spouse. Your hobbies can’t pick a fight with you I’m sure.
It is the safer option and less reactive or toxic.
Instead of cooking dinner for your spouse and yourself, you often find yourself eating alone or takeouts.
It is simpler and easier that way.
8. Both You And Your Partner Put Minimal to ZERO Efforts To Mend The Unhappy Marriage.
You both know that there is something wrong in the marriage. It’s downright obvious, but you just don’t see why you should try to fix your marriage.
It’s just too troublesome, painful, tiring and of course not worth it. So you just let it be ‘floating’ waiting for “disaster” to strike.
Even if you guys tried seeking outside help from a marriage therapist none of you will “open up” fully.
You are stuck thinking no matter what you say or do the results will not make the unhappy marriage better.
My Personal Note For You and Your Unhappy Marriage.
When To Bail From Your Unhappy Marriage?
So when to bail from your marriage you ask me? To be honest I can’t tell you that. It will be unfair to your marriage, especially if you have children and other lives involves. Only you have the answer to that question.
I have been married twice. My first marriage didn’t work out as I simply didn’t have the knowledge, effort or courage to go about doing things I should do.
While its a constant blaming game in my head I got caught up by some of the pointers as listed above.
But if you are reading this, the good news is there is still HOPE to salvage your unhappy marriage, there will always be HOPE !! You are alive and not DEAD yet, use your time and effort wisely.
START NOW !! START TODAY !!
No matter how ugly things are now, always remember there was a time when your spouse was your pillar of strength and to some of us the ONLY pillar of Strength.
You just got lost in this thing called “LIFE”. Is it the end? OF COURSE NOT. Do you want to save it? Is it worth it? Ask yourself just these two questions, again and again, you will soon get the answers to it.
IT IS OKAY IF IT LOOK WEIRD OR FEELS STRANGE AT THE BEGINNING, just sent out that text to your spouse saying that you are thinking of them.
You may get a response and you may get a negative response but so be it. What are your actual loses?
Cooked that favorite dish or buy those little treats that your spouse used to love.
There is no effort too small. Just keep trying and trying the results will come.
GO SLOW BUT DON'T STOP MOVING FORWARD.
The journey ahead is tedious and a lot of hard work is needed.
Till Death do us part, what does this statement really mean to you ? Give yourself some time to reflect and ponder over this again and again.
I wish you all the best regardless of whatever decisions or steps you will undertake.